Embracing the Journey: My Struggles with Post-Baby Body and Self-Acceptance

Hey there! Today, I want to open up and share something deeply personal with all of you. It's a topic that has been weighing on my mind and my heart for quite some time now. Ever since I had my baby, I've been feeling a bit lost and uncomfortable in my own skin. The changes that motherhood brought to my body have left me feeling less like myself, and it's been a challenging journey to reclaim my sense of self-confidence.

Not only that, but I find myself standing in front of my closet, completely clueless about what my fashion style is now. I long for a look that combines the sophistication of a stylish mom with a touch of youthful beauty. However, my body shape seems to be working against me, as nothing seems to fit me quite right anymore. In this honest and open blog post, I want to take you through my experiences, from the struggles with weight and body image that began in my teenage years to the rollercoaster of emotions and physical changes I faced during and after pregnancy. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and join me on this journey of rediscovering self-love and acceptance.

My journey of self-love and body acceptance has been a long and challenging one, starting from my teenage years. Throughout those years, I battled with my weight, often feeling like the "chubby" one. To make matters worse, my lack of breasts became another source of insecurity, leaving me feeling far from the image of a beautiful woman. Even my family joined in on the teasing, constantly asking about my nonexistent "boobies", which only intensified the frustration and deepened my self-doubt.

Then, in 2016 (23y), I stepped on the scale and it revealed nearly 100kg. That was the moment it hit me hard. Sure, I struggled to find clothes that fit, but I didn't fully grasp just how overweight I had become. I decided to take action, starting with cutting out fast food, fizzy drinks, and sweets. I quickly dropped 10kg, but then progress stalled. I knew I needed something more, something I had always avoided: exercise. So, I did the unthinkable and signed up for the gym, even hiring a personal trainer to guide me through strength training.

Eventually, my weight dropped to 68kg, and I felt so much better in my own skin. That's when I decided to make my dream come true and get a breast augmentation. I went for a consultation, but the doctor kindly explained that I was still carrying excess weight, which would obscure any visible results unless they used large implants – something he didn't recommend. Stuck at my weight, I turned to calorie counting. I became obsessed, weighing everything I ate, even opting for water when going out with my friends because I couldn't accurately track the food's ingredients in restaurant. Yes, I know it wasn't mentally healthy at all. I started running every morning, swimming when I couldn't run, and hitting the gym six times a week.

With incredible effort, I reached 58kg in 2018 (26y), finally receiving the green light for my dream surgery. I felt genuinely happy and confident with my body. I also totally fell in love with clothes shopping. It was an absolute blast to finally find outfits that hugged my curves in all the right places. And let me tell you, I went all out when it came to taking care of my body. Massages, scrubs, sun beds, cosmetic treatments — you name it.

Then, in 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, causing gyms and swimming pools to shut their doors. My well-established routine, both in terms of exercise and healthy lifestyle diet, went out the window, and my motivation took a nosedive. On top of that, I moved to the UK, facing new challenges. With all these disruptions, it wasn't surprising that I gained some weight along the way, but I still felt somewhat healthy, even though I knew things could be better.

At the beginning of 2022, I became pregnant. I stopped weighing myself in the sixth month when the scale hit 84kg. Stepping on it had become too stressful. I naively hoped that returning to my pre-pregnancy routine and body would be effortless.

But as all you moms out there know, it's far from easy to find time for yourself in the midst of caring for a newborn. And the worst part is that I don't think I lost any weight after giving birth. With sleepless nights and exhaustion, I turned to sweets for quick energy boosts, only causing me to gain even more weight. And now, here I am, seven months postpartum, with nothing fitting me. On top of that, I'm still dealing with carpal tunnel syndrome that began during pregnancy. I feel ugly and fat, and big as a whale. 🐳

The sad truth is that I have very few precious pictures with my baby because I'm always underdressed and never feeling confident enough to be in front of the camera.

It all hit me hard when I went shopping yesterday, desperately hoping to find at least one outfit that would make me feel comfortable and pretty. But instead, I had a breakdown in the fitting rooms. It was a turning point for me. I realised that I urgently need to reclaim my sense of health and vitality. I want to have the energy to run around with my little boy, and I want to prepare my body for the possibility of another pregnancy.

And here's my plan of action for moving forward.

• First and foremost, I'm cutting out all the tempting sweets, fizzy drinks, and fast food from my diet once again. It's time to get back on track with healthier eating habits.

• I've already taken the first step towards my transformation by going for a refreshing run this morning. While hitting the gym six times a week might not be possible for me right now, I'm determined to find some effective home alternatives for exercise.

• I've reinstalled a calorie-counting app and started using it diligently. It's a powerful tool to keep me on track.

Additionally, I will treat myself to regular pedicures, manicures, and using cosmetics that make me feel beautiful and confident will be an essential part of my self-love journey. By taking care of my body both inside and out, I'm confident that I'll regain my sense of beauty and embrace a healthier, more confident version of myself.

I'm excited to embark on this journey of rediscovering self-love and regaining control over my body. It won't be easy, and there will be ups and downs along the way, but I'm determined to push through and come out stronger on the other side. If you're going through similar struggles and need someone who gets it, I've got your back. Whether you need a chat, advice, or just a virtual high-five, I'm here for you.